I have long abandoned writing experience from my life and I can’t be more shameful about it.
I spent past two years consuming and getting consumed by social media. Wasting time, hours and hours on YouTube and other platforms, not reading anything seriously and declining everything from the previous standards that I had for myself.
Getting addicted to video games (Clash of Clans, and yes as silly as it sounds I really got addicted to it, and now I am replacing this unproductive habit with writing) and trying to restart my life and rebuild it again.
I am out of shape, I binge eat and I eat excessively, I am very inactive and often don’t have that much energy during the day and simple activities feeling all draining.
I really missed my family and I wish they were living with me, they are back there in Iran and I am away from them while missing them so much and I can’t see a option to see them any soon. I can’t visit my home country for a now and I can’t afford to bring my family here and fully support them.
I also think that I spent a lot of money last two years on things which I should have not. Many of them new experiences that I didn’t have and couldn’t have back in my country but many of that money could and should have been saved up.
My diet is not good and I consume a lot of sugar. I am seriously concerned that I might be pre diabetic and I just don’t know how to control myself and stop consuming so much sugar. I needed to stay away from social media so I deactivated instagram and detected YouTube. These two were the most time consuming platforms. I also quit watching news again as it is a such a horrible activity for your sanity and mental health (I honestly don’t know how the journalists don’t loose their mind and become insane after dealing with so much trauma and bad news and stress).
Speaking of stress, I really need to control my stress and cortisol. I think I am stressed most of the time and most of the day which not really good in the long term and should take it under control.
Have not worked out for a long time but planning to hit the gym again, maybe that as well helps to find a better lifestyle.
I am not happy with my dating life but it is what it is. I am still single, never had a serious relationship nor a girlfriend. Wish I had but it seemed to be common for Gen-Z.
Saying all this, I want to improve my lifestyle. I want to start again, start now, exactly from this moment that I am writing this journal. I want to make writing central to my personal transformation.
If I journal everything and making it a long term habit, it can really make myself accountable and on track.
I know in past six years, since I first heard of journaling, I have spent a lot of time making excuses to not write constantly and this has mainly affected my life negatively and not knowing where I am heading and how much I have improved.
I hope this blog stays authentic and consistent, aiming to help me become a better version of myself.
I am also learning French so I might end up adding some content here in French as well, just for practice, however English is an easier language so I can stick to it as the main blog language and theme.
I want to make my excuses less and less for writing and make more time during the day to sit down and write.
I know my writing has many flaws, however I want to be more authentic and write everything that I write in English without help of AI. Although I might have to use AI for writing a journal in French. I am not an independent user of language in French as I am in English, however I will need to practice it more even with help of Artificial Intelligence.
So this is my disclaimer, as I try to be as honest as possible I can be with my audience.
I also know that this blog is going to be not much crowded for a while but I take advantage of it and will present more authentic version of myself.
Speaking of French, I have to pass CLB 7 exam in 10 months from now to be able to become Canadian permanent resident, and I have been living about 4 years in Canada so far and I will need to become a permanent resident soon. So that is my main priority for know.
I have been studying French for three years, more and less and I have not much been consistent with it, and in recent year, I just studied more seriously but I think my biggest mistake was not to get a teacher or tutor earlier, and relying so much on self study which resulted in wasted time and energy that could have been saved. I will write about this topic later in a separate post, I made the same mistake in university and also learning new music instrument which I think relying too much on self study will sometimes be inefficient and ineffective. For certain skills, presence of a mentor or teacher is absolutely necessary and not everything we can learn by ourselves.
That was a lesson that I learned in a hard way, and after spending so much time and energy reinventing the wheel.
I will close this post as I want to starting working on my next post, it has been already a good start after a long time and I feel it hitting me again. It is definable never too late to start and the earlier I start the more time, energy and money I save going towards right direction. It is not possible to change the past, not worth to blame myself for past mistakes. Rather, I want to be as kind as possible to myself and accept past failures, forget about them and start a new life.
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