I can’t believe that I didn’t do anything productive today. As soon as I woke up at 10 am. I have been just wasting time by hanging around the house. I can’t believe this that I did it, but I have a lot of shame guilt and self-hate for wasting another day. You might say that today is not wasted or you still have time and one day of leisure is not the end of the world. But I would say at the same time that I am really disappointed. First and only of myself. Yesterday, I planned a lot, I dreamed that as soon as I arrive home I am going to do a lot of things. But in reality, what happened was that I only wasted a lot of time and didn’t even do a single productive task. Until now that is 22 o’clock and I finally started writing. I get it, I needed some time for not doing anything but on the other hand I feel that my expectations of myself are so high, while I am very depressed. Today I wasn’t physically tired. I wasn’t feeling sleepy either. I was only and only fatigue. Mentally burnt out and wasn’t able to do the necessary tasks. Instead, all I was doing was to waste time and scroll on my phone. Oh, I didn’t say that how much I hate scrolling. I promised that I would turn off the phone and dedicate the whole day on one tasks and that is to only and only do the essential daily duties like learning French, playing piano or read my books.
I think I am so behind in my personal development progress. I have a lot of fancy things that I didn’t have years ago but not being able to progress much. I waste time getting involved in pointless conversations with my roommates. How come now I am able to finally sit down and focus? Because I am sitting in the laundry room of my appartement, which doesn’t have any wifi and my tablet, which I often type on it can’t be connected to the internet. I have never been diagnosed with ADHD, just because never talked with a psychologist about it, nor haven’t taken any tests. However, I know how hard it is for me to focus on tasks and not get distracted.
Funny thing is that I am leaving this place in 5 days and just realized that what a wonderful room has to be disconnected and only focus on what is the most important and the tasks that need to get done. Now that I am leaving should know about this amazing room on the lobby of my appartement?
I am certainly not very happy for not using this place way earlier. Even to my surprise, not many people visit this place as well.
My stress level has decreased, just after sitting down and writing this text. Just reminding me the days of the high school that I kept procrastinating the assignments when I had my phone and the only way to focus for me was to get rid of the phone. So for the whole school year I didn’t have my smart phone around me and only near summer time I treated myself by getting the newest and best phone. I remeber that my father bought me iPhone 6 64, because I was a top student.
Anyways, I just wanted to say I feel depressed, and motivating myself to do the hard tasks is a challenge. In a hyperconnected online world that being offline is not easy, I think I should make opportunities for myself to have some offline time, to only get relieved from procrastination and the anxiety that it brings with it self.
Anxiety and depression are very powerful negative siblings that can sabotage your health and affect the quality of your life severely. However, I have found the best approach in the taking action and not giving up the game to them. Try to be sometimes, alone, offline and spend time for things that truly add value to your life.
Tinder, YouTube, Instagram, Web and generally my phone makes me very nervous and uncomfortable. This is why I need some time offline.
Whenever you felt disappointed about yourself, think about the past, the last year or few years ago. See how far you have come and how much you have progressed. I can assure you that even if you are far away from your ideals, you are now way more closer that what you have been in past years. And celebrating and acknowledging the journey you have taken helps you to get motivated for taking the steps forward.
Remember that no matter what happens in your life, always have self-compassion. Treat yourself more kindly. As I always remind myself. I need to treat myself more kindly and change the way I talk to myself. Because the words that you use are strong and important.