When you think about your past, all the good and bad things you did in your life, all the acceptable or poor decisions you made, who’s fault was it?
Do you blame yourself or the environment and others? Is the blaming worthy and helpful for you and your future decisions? Do all these blames eventually help you to learn from the past and make better decisions?
Many of us blame luck for the bad decisions we made and the dire situation we are in, and some blame ourselves.
The first group usually decreases their life satisfaction; they see the world as an unfair, unworthy and unjust place to live in. They blame the country they were born in, their parents who raised them, their friends and everything that surrenders them as guilty because of their current situation. What they could potentially achieve but haven’t achieved now is because of everything else except themselves. The conclusion of their way of looking at the world is that everyone else is terrible, and I am good.
The second group decreases their self-worth and self-esteem. The conclusion that they reach based on reflecting on the past is that others are good and I am the bad one. I am not worthy to become happy and prosperous. I always make bad decisions, but look at others, look at them; they are those who are successful, those who know what decisions to make and how to navigate their lives successfully.
The reality is, however, gray and not black and white. Also, blaming ourselves or others doesn’t help us move forward and keeps us stuck in the past and the doom rumination cycle. Both ways of looking at the past are more harmful than beneficial.
This is easier said than done. When I want to think about my past, I usually fall into the second group. I overestimated my responsibility and underestimated the role of the environment. This is partially because I make most of my decisions, and a few rely on others and what they say.
We should accept that where we are is because of a complex mix of the environment we grew up and live in and our rational and irrational decisions.